Put That Butter Knife Down I have Something To Say To You

I sit and I think, and I feel,

I laugh, I cry, I giggle, squiggle

And I squeal; I scream,

I live, I dream, I nibble the cheese,

I eat the curds, And I drink the cream.

I stay in one spot, And then I not,

I get what I'm given, and I have got what I've got,

I sweat when I'm hot, in the Dam I smoke pot,

And I am sticking around, until I have seen the lot.

I watch, I listen, I talk, and I joke,

I bake, I eat bacon, egg whites and the yolk,

I drink, and I quit, and I quit quitting, and I smoke,

I'm calm, I'm relaxed, I'm cool, and collected,

I'm hyper, I'm active, I've ants in my pants.

I'm nice, I'm kind, I say thank-you, please, merci, thank-you-thanks,

I talk crass, and say words like; cunt, cock, shit, cack, and wank;

See I don't take kindly to an insult, but you can call me a plank!

I plank, I owl, I timber yard, and I timber-wolf,

I play pitch-and-putt, and crazy golf,

Once in a while I play at telling the truth,

I'm a player, I'm animal, I'm a man of the wild,

Dress me up and I'm a cad, a bounder, and so very uncouth,

But no matter my age, I am epitome of youth.

That is just life, and I am who I am,

I will live this life, the best way that I can:

I am but one person, I am my own man;

And I decide whether the sandwich

Is cheese, or whether the sandwich is ham.