I laugh, I cry, I giggle, squiggle
And I squeal; I scream,
I live, I dream, I nibble the cheese,
I eat the curds, And I drink the cream.
I stay in one spot, And then I not,
I get what I'm given, and I have got what I've got,
I sweat when I'm hot, in the Dam I smoke pot,
And I am sticking around, until I have seen the lot.
I watch, I listen, I talk, and I joke,
I bake, I eat bacon, egg whites and the yolk,
I drink, and I quit, and I quit quitting, and I smoke,
I'm calm, I'm relaxed, I'm cool, and collected,
I'm hyper, I'm active, I've ants in my pants.
I'm nice, I'm kind, I say thank-you, please, merci, thank-you-thanks,
I talk crass, and say words like; cunt, cock, shit, cack, and wank;
See I don't take kindly to an insult, but you can call me a plank!
I plank, I owl, I timber yard, and I timber-wolf,
I play pitch-and-putt, and crazy golf,
Once in a while I play at telling the truth,
I'm a player, I'm animal, I'm a man of the wild,
Dress me up and I'm a cad, a bounder, and so very uncouth,
But no matter my age, I am epitome of youth.
That is just life, and I am who I am,
I will live this life, the best way that I can:
I am but one person, I am my own man;
And I decide whether the sandwich
Is cheese, or whether the sandwich is ham.