Untitled 2009/10

There is only one feeling that I fully understand. This feeling doesn't have a name and could closely be associated with a feeling of being lost.
I am lost,
Lost within a place,
A place.
A place where those that are noticed are those getting blown by the wind and those doing the blowing.
I'm round the corner where there isn't any breeze.
I could blow my own?
Where would I go?
I could make my way into the open and wait to be picked up by a gust,
Or I could just disappear;
And find somewhere new where the weather is different.
I don't think I know what I am doing;
And I don't think I can change.
It has been like this for so long:
I don't think I could change.
I don't think how I am is so bad,
I just want to be able to maintain this level of control,
I don't want people to see all of me.
I have no one who really knows me.
They say family and friends know you best but mine don't know me at all.
No one knows the pain and anguish:
No one knows how I really think or feel.
If I try explaining they just don't get it.
I try my best to hide my feelings but;
This mask isn't really me,
And just leaves me looking weird.
I feel weird,
And I act weird.
I get giddy and laugh and be silly.
I always try to smile:
This is me.
This is me.
This is me.
This is not me.
This might as well be anyone because that's who I can be.